| How
to Save Thousands When You Buy and Finance your home
How
to Check Your Credit Report
Six
Ways to Beat the Stress of Buying a Home
Things
You Should Know About Moving Moving
Making
the Move Easy on the Kids
How to Save Thousands When
You Buy and Finance Your Home
When buying a home, accurately knowing how much to pay and how
to structure your financing terms can literally mean thousands of
dollars saved. How do you make the choices and calculations involved
with buying and financing? Whether you're a financial wizard or
you still haven't figured out how to balance a checkbook you will
need an experienced guide to lead you through the real estate maze
because the wrong choices and calculations can cost you a small
fortune.
Think
about it! If you make a teeny mistake with your interest rate you
might spend an unnecessary $100,000 (or more) in interest payments
over the life of your loan! Imagine what you might pay if you make
more than one mistake. Small errors when combined and spread out
over a number of years can be costly.
Let
me give you an example of what I mean: When pilots fly an airplane,
they use a radar signal to point them in the right direction so
they can get where they're going. Let's say you're a pilot and you
set the radar signal off by one degree. If you're flying only a
few miles, being off a little bit doesn't make much difference;
you'll end up at your destination. But on a long cross-country trip,
flying from New York to Oakland, being off course just one degree
could cause the plane to land in San Jose. The bigger and longer
the trip you take the greater the effect of the mistake. The same
applies to buying and financing your home. It's a long trip. Being
off course just a little bit when buying and financing your home
can make a big difference in your wallet!
I
hope this convinces you that you need an experienced and knowledgeable
realtor to represent your interests. If you ask a real estate agent
to find you a house it would be reasonable to assume that the agent
represents you. That is not necessarily true. Most of the time the
agent represents the seller even if he/she helped you find the house.
You need someone on your side; someone who will have fiduciary duty
to you, the buyer, and whose job it is to protect your interests.
I will represent your interests and I will take care of all the
details that are involved in a real estate transaction:
-
Screen and find the best available properties for you
-
E-mail you profiles of suitable properties as they come to the
MLS
-
Provide you with a sample Deposit Receipt so you get familiar
with the purchase agreement
-
Negotiate a favorable price once we find the home you want
-
Open an escrow account
-
Provide you with an estimate of closing costs
- Get
you pre-approved for a loan with the best possible rates and terms
- Get
inspections, reports and appraisals on the property
-
Keep you informed of all the inspections, appraisals, and various
negotiations during the escrow period
-
Go with you to the escrow company to sign the closing papers
-
Do all the hand holding that you deem necessary
Buying
a home is more than just an investment; it alters your life. So
besides picking an experienced and knowledgeable realtor, you also
need to feel comfortable with him/her. That's why I recommend a
FREE no-obligation conference: either face to face or by phone.
During our first meeting you can ask all kinds of real estate questions:
- How
much home can I buy
-
Where will I find the best home for my money
- .
How much should I offer for the home I'm buying
-
What do I do if I want to buy a home and there are multiple offers
-
Is it a good time to buy
-
What is the market like
-
What will be the best financing for my situation
-
Should I pay points and go for a lower interest or avoid the points
and pay a higher rate
- Should
I get a fixed or variable rate
-
How much should I put down
-
Is it worth paying Mortgage Insurance
-
How can I buy a home without a down payment
-
How much will I get for my present home
- Do
I sell my present home first and then buy, buy first and then
sell or have a simultaneous closing
-
My credit is not the greatest. What can I do
- How
often will I be hearing form you and how long will you take to
return my calls
-
Do you have information on all the properties that are on the
market and how will you inform me about them
-
Why should I buy from you and not the agent I met at the open
house
-
There is a home I love but
it is not for sale. What can I do about buying it
The
information I'll provide will be worthwhile to you. As I said, it
comes with no obligation on your part to use my services. You get
the information you need, you get to see whether you feel comfortable
with me, and you get to decide if you want to use me as your realtor.
Call
me for a free conference. 510-527-1770 P.S. Should you decide to
use my services you will get a $750 rebate at the closing of escrow.
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How to Check Your Credit Report
With
home buying and refinancing at high levels, checking credit reports
should be on everyone's list of financial obligations. Good credit
can lead to a magical world of cheap rates and good terms, while
erroneous credit reports can unfairly raise the cost of borrowing.What
does your credit report say?
Lenders
typically look at three credit reports when reviewing mortgage applications,
the argument being that three reports may identify credit issues
that a single report would miss. So what steps can you take to make
your credit report stronger? ·
Are there entries which are factually incorrect? If yes, contact
the credit reporting agency by certified mail, with a return receipt
requested. Lenders have 30 days from receipt to correct or confirm
a challenged entry. ·
Does the report include information regarding someone else? If you
are "Fred Smith" and not "Fred Smith, Jr." or some other individual,
then the report needs to be corrected. ·
Late payments are a huge no-no with lenders and can quickly knock
down credit scores. Payments are "late" for credit reporting purposes
when they are 30 days overdue. Caution: It's possible to have an
item which does not show up on a credit report (because it's not
30 days overdue) and yet is late under your agreement with a lender
or credit provider. If a payment is overdue you could face penalties,
fees, and other problems. The bottom line: Always pay bills in full,
pay on time, and mail early enough to easily make payment deadlines.
·
What are your debts? Lenders look at real estate, installment debt
such as a car payment, revolving accounts such as credit cards,
collection claims, and other obligations. Check the numbers to assure
they are right. · Is address information accurate? The wrong address
may also mean incorrect credit references. · Is your Social Security
number correct? A single wrong digit and the whole credit report
is likely to be rife with errors. ·
How many credit inquires have you made in the past 90 days? In this
case, lenders want to know if you have recently extended your credit
obligations or opened new accounts. The concern is that maybe the
high cash balances that appear on the credit report are really just
evidence of increased debts rather than savings and good cash management.
·
Do you have any delinquent credit accounts? Each credit report will
also provide credit scores, a short-hand way to evaluate your overall
financial performance. Higher is better, and on most scales anything
over 720 should elate lenders.
What
to do if you have bad credit? Pay bills on time, reduce debts, and
build savings. None of this will happen quickly or automatically,
but over time your credit report will shape up. Want more information?
One good option works like this: Your real estate broker can arrange
for you to have your credit report reviewed by an experienced lender.
Back to Top
Six
Ways to Beat the Stress of Buying a Home
DEATH,
DIVORCE & MOVING are the three most stressful experiences in
life. There are two very different kinds of needs that people have
while moving. First there are the transactional needs, like finding
the home that is just right for them, finding a seller who is realistic,
negotiating the price, filling out the paperwork, handling the escrow,
and arranging for the move. But there are also emotional needs that
are involved when moving, and this is where the biggest stress comes
in. Any competent agent will handle the transactional needs for
you, but if your emotional needs are unfulfilled, you'll be frustrated
and may not act in your own best interests. The ideal real estate
agent is one, who is competent with paperwork and numbers, but can
also guide, direct, and counsel you through the emotional ups and
downs Here are the six best ways we've found to beat the stress.
1. Begin with The End in Mind
Have an ultimate scenario of where you're trying to be. What will
life be like when you get there? How will it be better than where
you are now? Dwell on that picture and write it out, fill up at
least a page about how it feels in the new place. This is imperative.
Having the goal in front of you at all times energizes you to achieve
it, in spite of setbacks and frustrations. Emotions will run high
and you need an anchor. In childbirth, the Lamaze method teaches
you to focus on one spot when enduring labor pains. In the same
way, you too must focus on that future goal when anxiety threatens
to get the better of you.
2. Be Flexible
In your monetary calculations, overestimate by a thousand dollars.
In this market, anything can happen between contract acceptance
and closing. It could be the inspections reveal areas of concern
that the seller is unwilling to fix or the repair costs are higher
than the amount limited in the contract. Or the interest rate changes
which affects the necessary down payment and closing costs you will
need to come up with. As your real estate team, we will strive to
tie up loose ends as quickly as possible, but remember there is
no perfect world.
3. Trust in The Process
There's just so much to do, it's easy to panic. You wonder if it
will ever work out. In fact, when we bought our house, we couldn't
eat for a day, we felt sick to our stomachs! You think you're taking
a big chance, but the truth is you're giving yourself a big chance.
Even though you can't see every step of the way, as you move towards
your goals, the way opens up. We know that you haven't moved in
a long time and it's a major upheaval in your life. But we've been
there many times before, and we'll be looking out for you. Trust
that we know the way to get you there.
4. Get Knowledge
One thing you'll probably feel during this transition time is being
out of control. It feels like everyone else has taken over your
life. The seller, your lender, the appraiser, the inspectors, they
all have the power to say yes or no to your moving plans. We'll
try our best to let you know ahead of time what your expenses will
be, and what the unknowns are. We'll tie down the loose ends as
soon as possible. We'll try to get your loan approved within a reasonable
time frame. We'll educate you as best we can and let you in "behind
the scenes" so you won't ever feel left out.
5. What is Your Option?
When things don't go as smoothly as you had hoped, don't let emotions
take over. Always ask yourself , "What is my option?"
because there are always options. Let's pretend the lender takes
longer than agreed upon to get your loan. He keeps asking you for
more and more documentation until if feels like he also needs to
know how many gold fillings you have in your mouth! You want to
say "Forget it, I'm fed up with this!" But what is your
option? Find a new lender and start the process over again? That
may take weeks, plus you will have to provide all the paperwork
over again. If the lender is trying his best, it may be better to
give him a few more days. Each case is unique, but when setbacks
occur we've found that asking yourself this question helps to defuse
the situation and restore clear headed thinking.
6. Seek Entertainment.
When there's nothing you can do about the situation, take your mind
off of it altogether. Maybe you expected loan approval on Friday,
but now it won't come until Monday. You hate being in limbo and
feeling powerless. So do something where you aren't powerless. Take
a hike, play tennis, get out of town for the day, watch a movie
or pour yourself into your work. Whatever diversion works best for
you. Refuse to listen to those irritating thoughts when they come
into your head. Think about something else instead and just take
it one day at a time.
To keep stress to a minimum, here's how We'll serve you when you
work with us in buying your new home: Give our best-reasoned expert
counsel and advice with your best interests in mind. Clarify your
goals and motivation, and decide if moving is the wisest choice
at this time. Provide recommendations and information to help your
kids through all the changes. Negotiate effectively for you to get
the lowest possible price for your new home. Treat your money like
it was our own, shaving every expense possible. Protect your interests
during escrow, keeping a detailed record of the transaction. Be
your levelheaded sounding board or relief valve when the stress
is overwhelming. Counsel you through the feelings of "buyer's
remorse". Alert you ahead of time to every possibility so you
feel more in control. Contact you daily during the last 10 days
of the transaction to serve your needs. Provide guidance and help
with movers, change of address, utilities shut off, cleaning, etc.
Deliver your closing paperwork. Continue to give you information
of value after the transaction... for life.
back to Top
Things
You Should Know About Moving
In Search of a New Residence
Subscribe to the area's local newspaper in advance of your move.
It usually contains a large real estate section, which can be very
helpful in giving you some idea of the type of housing available
in the new city, as well as other useful information. A rrange for
a house-hunting trip to your new city. When looking for a new home,
take along a tape measure and a list of the exact dimensions of
each of your major appliances and other large pieces of furniture.
Measure the areas provided for them to be sure your appliances and
furniture will fit. Establish credit in the new city. Ask your banker
for a referral to a correspondent bank and to act as a credit reference.
Preplanning Your Move Plan the move as early as possible. If you
are able to move at any time of the year, don't wait until summer,
the peak-moving season. Consider also that the first and last few
days of the month are extra busy. If you plan to sell your house,
get it on the market as soon as possible. If renting, give your
landlord timely notice of your moving date. Keep a record of all
expenses related to the move, some of which may be tax deductible.
Fill out the Personal Household Inventory for each room. This is
important for establishing the amount of declared valuation for
the shipment and as a permanent inventory for insurance purposes.
List, as nearly as possible, the year of purchase and original cost
of each item. Attach any invoices
or records of purchase to the completed inventory. Prepare a separate
high-value inventory if the shipment will contain articles of "extraordinary"
value.
The following list includes items that might fall into this category:
Antiques
Art Collections
Cameras
China Collections
Computer Equipment
Crystal
Figurines
Firearms
Jewelry
Manuscripts
Oriental Rugs
Silver
Stones Or Gems
Tapestries
TVs Or Stereos
Estimate of Moving Costs
Unless you have been given a binding estimate where a firm cost
is established in advance, the exact cost of a move cannot be determined
until after the shipment has been loaded on the van and weighed.
The weight on which charges are based is calculated by weighing
the van before and after loading. The total cost of the move will
include transportation charges, any charges for declared valuation,
plus charges for any extra services performed at your request. All
of these charges are based on tariff rate schedules. Owner's Responsibility
It is the owner's responsibility to see that your mechanical, electrical
equipment and appliances are properly serviced for shipping prior
to the arrival of the moving van. For safe moving, have these items
prepared by a licensed or properly trained technician. This service
may be performed by a technician of your choice or by qualified
personnel of the moving company. If the owner has failed to have
an item serviced, the van operator may load and haul it, but will
mark the inventory sheet, "Not Serviced-Loaded at Owner's Risk."
Six to Eight Weeks before Moving Day Working with the Mover
Have the moving company conduct a household goods survey
in order to furnish you with a written estimate, although the final
cost will depend on the actual weight of your household goods after
they are loaded on the van.
Before the removal list arrives, inspect the property. Include
the garage, patio and any storage shed. Decide what to move and
what to discard. Remember the cost of moving an item may be greater
than the cost of replacing it.
Decide whether you want to do any of the packing or have
it done by the moving company's experienced personnel. Show the
removal list everything that is to be moved. Specify articles that
are to be packed so the estimate will include these charges. Any
items that are later added to the shipment will add to the cost
estimate.
Transfer of Personal Records
Arrange for closing or transfer of charge accounts.
Check personal insurance policies to see whether moving is
covered. Transfer fire, theft and other personal property insurance
to ensure coverage at the new home.
Obtain transcripts of the children's school records and credentials
from school authorities or secure transcripts of school records,
if you prefer to take them along.
Gather medical and dental records including vaccination data,
medical prescriptions, dates of last examinations, history of past
illnesses and so on.
Ask your doctor and dentist to recommend colleagues in the
new city. Be sure to check current telephone numbers and addresses
of physicians, dentist and hospital, which will help when transferring
your records.
Obtain letters of introduction from your church, organization,
club, and business Associates.
Transfer, sell or resign memberships in clubs or associations.
Report your move to any lending agency with which you do business.
A lender's permission may be required to move personal property
in which the lender has an interest.
Four to Six Weeks before Moving Day
Planning Your Packing if you plan to do the packing yourself, start
collecting suitable containers. You can purchase specialized containers
from most moving companies, such as:
Small cartons for heavy items (books, record albums, and
tools)
Wardrobe containers
Large cartons for bulky items (pillows, blankets, and stuffed
toys)
Medium-sized cartons for bulkier but not so heavy items (towels,
linens,
and small appliances)
Collect other packing materials
White paper
Tissue paper
Paper towels
Non printed paper
Newspapers
Tape or Strong twine for sealing containers
Scissors or Sharp knife (keep out of children's reach)
Felt marker to mark containers
Notebook & Pencil for listing contents
Labels or Stickers (Available from moving company)
Set goals and deadlines to ensure that all packing is completed
by moving day. You may want to pack one room per week. Attach a
list of contents to each carton. Separate and mark goods that will
go into storage. Consider having a garage sale to dispose of unwanted
items. If you donate clothing or household goods to charitable organizations,
get receipts showing their approximate value for tax deductions?
Remember that the cost of moving an item may be greater than replacing
it. Begin to use up large supplies of canned goods and frozen foods.
Buy only what will be used before moving.
Places To Notify of Impending Address Change Utilities:
Electric
Gas
Water
Telephone
Fuel
Trash removal
Professional Services
Doctor
Dentist
Accountant
Lawyer
Real estate Agent
Stock broker
Insurance Agents
Life
Health
Fire
Auto
Boat
Established Business Accounts
Credit cards
Motor Vehicle Department
Finance companies
Banks
Department stores
Government and Public Offices
Social Security Administration
Federal and state income tax offices
Publications
Newspapers
Magazines
Professional and trade
Credit Card Companies
Bank cards
Oil companies
Store cards
Other cards
Miscellaneous
Relatives and friends
Business associates
Book and record clubs
Schools and colleges
Church
Landlord, if you are a tenant Tenants, if you are a landlord.
Two to Three Weeks before Moving Day
Let the post office know your moving date and new address. If you
do not have a permanent address by the time you move, the post office
will hold your mail and forward it upon written instructions from
you. Phone the local business office of the Telephone Company. They
can make arrangements for service in your new home and, on request,
give out your new number when your present number is called.
Contact all service companies as listed:
Electric
Gas
Water
Fuel
Cable TV
If possible, arrange to have utilities connected before your arrival.
Make family travel plans. Reserve air or rail transportation and
hotel accommodations as needed. Have your car prepared for the trip-tires,
brakes, lubrication, oil change, and tune-up-as needed. Dispose
of flammables such as fireworks, cleaning fluids, matches, acids,
pressure cans or paint thinner. Drain oil and fuel from your power
mower and other machinery. Discard partly used cans of oil, paint,
syrup or any other substance that may leak. Carefully tape-seal
and place in individual waterproof bags any jars of liquids or semi-liquids
you do not wish to discard. Have rugs cleaned that are to be moved.
Leave them rolled and wrapped when they are returned from the cleaners.
If draperies are to be moved, have them cleaned and ready for alterations
that might be needed in your new home. Collect items that are being
cleaned stored or repaired (clothing, shoes, watches). Empty your
locker at any club you are a member of. Return library books and
anything borrowed from friends or neighbors. Also collect things
you may have loaned. Decide what to do with your houseplants.
Set a date with a reliable service person to prepare your appliances
for shipment, preferably the day before the move. Depending on the
appliance, post service may be needed for refrigerator, freezer,
range, washer, dryer and others. For more information, request a
free booklet, generally provided by most Home Removal companies.
Pianos and organs need to be prepared for moving by a specialized
technician. Make arrangements to have utilities disconnected on
moving day:
Electric
Gas
Water
Fuel
Cable TV
Plan to keep your telephone in service through moving day in case
last minute calls are necessary. Take pets to the veterinarian.
Make sure identification tags are securely attached to the pet's
collar.
Three Days before Moving Day
Instant Aid Box
Pack a box for instant needs on arrival. Mark the box "To be
loaded last and Unloaded first." Package each group of items
separately in labeled paper bags. Here are some suggestions.
Cleaning
Powdered detergent
Sponge
Paper towels
Dish towels
Dish cloth
Kitchen cleanser
Window cleaner
Scouring pads
Kitchen
Paper plates, cups, napkins
Plastic knives, forks, spoons
Small saucepan
Serving spoons
Aluminum foil
Snacks
Easy-to-open cans of pudding
Dry soup mix
Sandwich spreads
Jars of cheese
Package of crackers
Boxes of dry cereals
Instant coffee, tea, chocolate
Instant creamer, sugar, salt
Bathroom
Towels and face cloths
Toilet tissue
Facial tissue
Soap, hand lotion, deodorant
Toothbrushes and toothpaste
Miscellaneous
Reading materials
Puzzles
Last-Minute Packing
Cellular telephone
Light bulbs
Flashlight
Hammer, screwdriver, pliers, assorted nails and screws
Shelf paper
Trash bags and ties
Children
Coloring books and crayons
A favorite toy or two
Complete the "Take-with-Me Inventory" checklist in Appendix
D. Check contents of drawers. Remove all things that can spill or
break. Soft goods such as blankets, pillows, blouses, shirts and
lingerie may be left in drawers. Pin clothing to hangers if it is
to be moved in wardrobe cartons to keep it from slipping off. Remove
items left in the attic or other storage areas. Empty the refrigerator
and freezer so they can dry at least 24 hours before moving. Be
careful not to overlook the defrost water pan. Failure to have the
appliances completely dry can lead to mildew and unpleasant odor.
For more information, request a free booklet, Moving Appliances
and Other Home Furnishings, from United Van Lines. Be sure the water
is emptied from your steam iron. Launder all soiled clothing prior
to the day the appliance service technician is expected. Take the
telephone directory with you for contacting former doctors, dentists,
suppliers, etc., and for preparing holiday card lists. Pack suitcases
for the trip to the new home. Put in extra clothing for emergencies.
Consider packing a picnic lunch to eat while traveling. Take along
snacks such as fruit and cookies for the children. Include towels
for a quick cleanup. Arrange for a baby-sitter for moving day, or
have older children look after the younger ones.
Moving Day
Loading Your Belongings
Be
on hand when the movers arrive. Otherwise, it is important to let
the movers know to whom you have given authority to take your place.
Be sure this person knows exactly what to do. Remember the person
may be asked to sign documents obligating you to charges.
Accompany the van operator through the house inspecting and
tagging each piece of furniture with an identifying number. These
numbers, along with a description of your goods and their condition
at the time of loading, will appear on the inventory.
Be sure the condition of each item is recorded and the van
operator has a clear understanding about what is to be loaded last.
It is your responsibility to see that all of your goods are loaded,
so remain on the premises until loading is completed. After making
a final tour of the house to be sure no items have been overlooked,
check and sign the inventory. Get your copy and keep it in a safe
place.
Check to see the van operator has the exact destination address.
Be specific as to where and how you can be reached pending the arrival
of your household goods.
Leave the phone connected throughout the moving day. Leave
a note listing your new address in a conspicuous place in the
house so the new occupants will be able to forward any of your mail
inadvertently delivered to them.
Take a last look around:
Water shut off?
Gas shut off?
Air-conditioning shut off?
Light switches turned off?
All utilities arranged for disconnection?
Windows shut and locked?
Have you left anything?
Lock the house and leave the keys with a responsible person
or in a prearranged location.
At Your Destination
Contact the destination Removalist whose name appears on
the forms signed as soon as possible and indicate where and how
you can be reached.
Make sure the house is ready for occupancy before the van
arrives. If you have not already done so, contact the utility companies
and make necessary arrangements for service. Ask if any of them
provides free appliance connection service.
Be on hand to accept delivery of your household goods. Otherwise
authorize an adult as your representative to accept delivery and
pay the charges for you. Inform the Removalist of the person so
authorized. On the day of delivery, the van operator will attempt
to contact you by phone and make an appearance at the residence
if unable to reach you. If no one appears to accept the shipment
within the free waiting time, the goods will be placed in storage
at the owner's expense.
Check your household goods, as they are unloaded. If there
is a change in the condition of the property from that noted on
the inventory at the time of loading or if any items are missing,
note any damage and/or missing items on the van operator's copy
of the inventory sheet. By signing the inventory sheet, you are
acknowledging receipt of all items listed. Personally report any
loss or damage to the moving company agent at destination immediately.
(You must file the claim yourself; the van operator can not do it
for you.)
To save time and confusion, place a floor plan of your new
home at the entrance the movers will use, indicating where each
piece of furniture should go.
Then unloading, each piece of furniture will be placed as
you direct, including the lying of rugs and setting up of bed frames,
box springs and mattresses. However, appliances and fixtures may
not be installed. At your request and additional cost, the agent
may arrange for this service and for refilling of waterbed mattresses.
To prevent possible damage, television sets, other electronic
equipment and certain major appliances should not be used for 24
hours after delivery, allowing them time to adjust to room temperature.
If you have paid for unpacking, you are entitled to unpacking service
and removal of the cartons.
Getting Settled
* If you have not already done so, contact the utility companies
and make necessary arrangements for service. Ask if any of them
provides free appliance connection service.
Make arrangements for reinstallation of appliances.
Keep all documents pertaining to your move in a safe place.
You will need them for verification of moving expenses and for filing
your income tax returns. For more information on tax-deductible
moving expenses, consult an Accountant or Tax specialist.
Check with the post office for any mail being held and ask
for delivery to start.
Have your medical and dental records transferred after selecting
a family
physician and dentist.
You may want to select a Lawyer discuss laws pertaining to
your destination state, county and/or city. Be sure to cover such
matters as wills, transfers of property and investments, insurance
regulations, inheritance laws, taxes and the like. Most laws affect
a family as soon as residence in the new state and city is established.
Register to vote.
Locate the selected schools. Take the children, introduce
yourself and register them.
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Making the Move Easy on the Kids
Moving from
one house to another is seldom easy and fun for adults and it can
be especially troubling for the children. But if parents deal with
their children's concerns and needs thoughtfully, much of that distress
and discomfort can be avoided.
Children see
moves differently than their parent's do, and they benefit much
less from the change in their comfortable routines, or so it seems
at the time. Most often, a change in houses or communities heralds
an important step forward for the adult members of the family. The
family moves because Daddy or Mommy has a great new job or a promotion
in reward for years of hard work. They move because financial success
has allowed the purchase of a bigger and nicer house in a more costly
neighborhood. They move because they can finally afford private
bedrooms for each child and perhaps a pool in the back yard.
Mobile and
hard striving people typically live in a house for about four years
and then move on as their careers or fortunes allow. That short
time span is only a small percentage of the life-to-date for a 30
or 40 year old, but the same four years is half the life-time of
an 8 year old, and it includes almost all the years he or she can
remember. To a parent, this house may be only the place they have
lived recently. They think of it as a way station on the road of
life. To kids, however, it may be the only home they have ever really
known. This is their house, the place they feel safe and comfortable
and thoroughly at home. A house is much more than a roof and walls
to a child. It is the center of his or her world. A move threatens
to take that sphere away and leave something totally strange in
its place. The familiar friends, schools, shops and theaters, the
streets, trees and parks - all will no longer exist for them. Everything
soon will be strange, and they will live in someone else's world.
The impact
of a move on a typical child starts about the time he or she first
hears that Daddy has accepted a promotion, and often continues for
about a year, until the new house becomes home, and memories of
the previous place fade. It's not usually necessary to announce
this big change to children immediately, although they must hear
about it from you before someone else breaks the news. Most teenagers
see themselves as adult members of the family, and will probably
feel they have been left out if they don't hear everything from
the first day. But it is probably not a good idea to tell toddlers
and preschoolers until they have to know. There is no point in making
them worry far in advance. Be sure to announce the move in a totally
positive way. You might say how proud you are that Daddy's company
has chosen him out of many other employees to manage a new office
in Cleveland. Talk about what a beautiful city Cleveland is how
good the schools are and how nice the people are. Tell truthful
but very positive stories about how nice the new house will be.
Ask them what the favorite things are in their lives now, and then
try to make them happen in the new home.
If the new home
is too far away to allow a visit by the entire family after it has
been selected, show the children pictures of it from every angle.
Videotape it, if you can. Emphasize the positive views and be sure
to include pictures of each child's new room. Try to name the house
with some romantic description like "Oak Hill" for the big trees
and the sloping lawn.
Sugar coating
will help, but since children can quickly see the negative sides
of most situations, every parent must plan to deal with their children's
worries, fears and sorrows. The children will lose friends they
may have known all their lives. They will leave behind their sports
teams, their clubs and they're dancing teachers. They will have
to start over in a new place, making friends, becoming accepted
and fitting into different groups.
Younger children
need protection from fear of the unknown. Listen carefully to their
concerns, and respond quickly to all of their apprehensions. It
would be normal, for instance, for a young child to worry that his
or her toy box and shelf of stuffed animals might be left behind.
Find those anxieties and correct them. Probably the best tactic
is to get the children actively involved in the whole process. Don't
just promise to let them decorate their own rooms, for example.
Take them to the paint store and let them bring home color swatches.
Shop for bed spreads and towels and carpets.
They must leave
old friends behind, so find ways to make that parting almost pleasant.
Plan a going-away party and let them invite their own guests. Take
pictures of everyone and make a photo album. If a child is old enough,
send him or her out with a roll of film in the camera and the assignment
to photograph the views they will want to remember.
Some relationships
will be extremely difficult to break and these will demand careful,
thoughtful, personalized planning by both parents. How, for instance,
do you move a 17-year-old 1,000 miles from her steady boyfriend?
Expect that
your children may be even more distressed after the move than they
were before it. The new house will not be beautiful the night after
the moving van leaves, or for months after. The furniture won't
fit the rooms. The curtains won't be up, and every spot on the floor
will be covered with half-unpacked cartons.
The children
won't know anyone at school and, if you move during the summer,
they may have little opportunity to meet anyone their age. You may
be faced with many more problems in your new community that they
will, but remember that you can handle them more easily than they
can. They will need your help, and you should plan to give them
the support they need.
After the move,
give each of them a long distance telephone call allowance so they
can keep in touch with the people back home who matter the most
to them. Buy a stack of picture postcards that show positive views
of your new community, and encourage them to write good news messages
to the friends and relatives they left behind.
To make new
friends, make sure the children don't vegetate in front of the television.
Get them outside, where neighbors pass by. Have them pass out fliers
to do baby-sitting or car washing. Encourage them to participate
in as many school activities as they can handle. Get them on sports
teams and into clubs.
If they - and
you -aren't making new friends fast enough, throw a housewarming
party for yourselves and invite all the adults and children on the
block. If serious emotional or attitudinal problems arise, however,
help is usually available and probably should be sought. Ask a teacher
for help. Consider professional counseling. Don't let a serious
problem slide.
Remember that
the newness will wear off. New friends will become old friends and
best friends. This new house may become the family homestead your
grandchildren will visit every holiday season. There will be discomforts,
but in the long run, everything will work out fine.
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The
information contained herein is deemed as an opinion and no warranty
is implied or given.
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